43/16

And it fails on every front

After a heist goes wrong, a troubled thief and orphan must save his kidnapped partner from a ruthless drug lord and his charming hitman. This movie tries hard to be stylish and charming, in the manner of the first Smokin' Ace Movie. Lou Diamond Phillips plays him as well as anyone, even though he's mostly almost unrecognizable. The rest are caricatures so over-the-top that they're just two-dimensional and boring.

The action is actually boring for the most part

The glaring, bulging eyes don't turn this into anything funny or clever. The movie seems to think it needs an action scene every five minutes to keep you watching—and that's partly correct. The plot is so bland and omnipresent that it's hard to follow. Or rather, it's hard to care enough to bother following it.

CGI ruins most of the stunts

There's a guy who stole money or something. And at least two other groups of people want to get it from him, for reasons that escape me. It's extremely hard to care about any of the characters when none of them are real. The undoubtedly competent stuntmen working on this lose their credibility when you realize how much of it is green screen.

Why did all this happen?

The main character can't even ride a motorcycle on a straight road without having to phone him. I made it all the way through, even though I wanted to give up on several occasions. Since the gunshot wounds were mostly inconsequential, the stakes were generally nil. When people actually died, it was hard to believe they were actually dead, when they didn't know the worst of it beforehand.

Why would anyone care?

Did anyone win in the end? I don't know and I watched the whole thing.